I thought, for the sake of the union, that I should update you on a conversation I had last night with Justin…

DS: How was D.C.?
JC: Great. I was raped by the founding fathers.
DS: Is it true that Hamilton had the biggest cock?
JC: No. Not true. It was actually, it was actually Betsy Ross. Surprisingly.
DS: Wow. What happened?
JC: She sewed up my colon so hard, I coughed out a star. The 51st star.
DS: And that's why Puerto Rico isn't a state?
JC: Correct.
DS: Huh.

If you come across any history books, please update them.


One Response to “Excerpt”

  1. Benjamin Franklin Says:

    Thank you for this hard hitting reporting!

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