A Very Special Holiday Episode of MACHO Steak Jet (MagiKS) Terra-Clown @ Barbie DreamouZZZZZZZ® 


Let the Englishmen have their Father Christmas. Save Schmutzli for the Germans. It is my pleasure, honor and — as an forester/gastroenterologist/wizard — my professional obligation to introduce you gentlemen and gentlewomen at MACHO Steak Jet (MagiKS) Terra-Clown @ Barbie DreamouZZZZZZZ® to the heroic Catalan tradition of the Caga Tio (trans: Poop Log).

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Caga Tio is a log that Catalan families keep in their houses during the yuletide. A word of explanation from the infallible Wikipedia™:

Beginning with the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8), one gives the tió a little bit to “eat” every night and usually covers him with a little blanket so that he will not be cold at night.

On Christmas day or, depending on the particular household, on Christmas Eve, one puts the tió partly into the fireplace and orders it to “poop” (the fire part of this tradition is no longer as widespread as it once was, since many modern homes do not have a fireplace). To make him “poop”, one beats him with sticks, while singing various songs of Tió de Nadal.

That’s right. You force-feed him for three weeks and then, literally, beat the shit out of him, taunting him with this song:

poop log,
poop turrón,
hazelnuts and cottage cheese,
if you don’t poop well,
I’ll hit you with a stick,
poop log!

after which the poop log placidly defecates nuts, dried fruit and presents out his wooden anus (in this way, not unlike Just1n).

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When nothing is left to “poop”, it drops a salt herring, a head of garlic, an onion or “urinates”. What comes out of the tió is a communal rather than individual gift, shared by everyone present.

Personally, I applaud the Catalans. For a long time, I’ve maintained the family that makes the poop log together will stay together. Someday, I hope to make the poop log with my kids, make one big poop log for the whole family. And I’m already excited to show-off our poop log to our friends and neighbors.

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By the way, this is not the weirdest European Christmas tradition. Just wait until next year when we blow the lid of Zwarte Piet.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!

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6 Responses to “A Very Special Holiday Episode of MACHO Steak Jet (MagiKS) Terra-Clown @ Barbie DreamouZZZZZZZ® 

  1. Billy Carter Says:

    This might be my favorite post ever. Informative, scientific, up-to-the-minute journalism! This is what the internet is all about. Take that newspapers! Take that television!

  2. Benjamin Franklin Says:

    Fun and informative! I sprayed!

  3. machosteakjet Says:

    I heard that Thor Thorson has a similar holiday tradition. Only he switches the log and the poo. He feeds logs to an enormous fecal pile which then shits logs for Christmas.

  4. machosteakjet Says:

    I seriously just did a REAL coffee spit take reading this. Hilarious.

  5. machosteakjet Says:

    Oh wait. Hang on. If the Feast of the Immaculate Conception is on Dec. 8 and the celebration of his birth is…uh…the 25th…um…I’m just saying. I will add that I heartily approve feasting on the occasion of someone getting laid. Especially when it’s immaculate…like it usually is with Jurgen Koopstein.

  6. Sluck Chong Says:

    私は私の母の出産のグレービーに耽る。

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