Macho Steak Jet Personals!

Gender: Fellow!
Current Status: Single
Looking for: Romance, Friendship, Ownership
Body Type: Unexpectedly Bipedal
Eyes: Brown, Seemingly Sentient
Height: 18″ at the withers
Hair: All Over
Age: 24 months
Seeks: Female for Siring, Leg for Humping


I’m just another average snowflake. I live a life of adventure, taking risks, making mistakes, learning from mistakes. I don’t live a planned life; I go out of my way to seize opportunity. I’m passionate about some of the things I do. I’m a sentient, bipedal dog. I carry too much baggage. I have too much debt. I eat lamb lung. I chase squirrels. I dream about chasing squirrels. If I ever get one of those mother-fucking squirrels I’m going to shake it really hard. I cannot read minds, I assume others cannot either so I speak in straight forward conversations. I cannot really speak, only make weird sort of wookie-ish calls like that dog on youTube that says “I Love You”. But he walks on four legs. I walk on two. In the picture? That’s an enormous lump of sugar on my head. And I’m holding hands with my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, she’s a human. I appreciate history. My biography would be a collection of short stories. I appreciate honesty. Autumn is my favorite season, bright colors, brisk air, sweaters. I don’t define my experiences my experiences define me. I am fun loving and goofy, yet I have a degree and career and I am responsible. I love silly jokes and think that smiling, laughing, teasing, playing fetch, scratching and sniffing are all important aspects to a relationship. So is humping legs, did I mention that? I don’t place great importance on money, except to get what you need to live. I don’t even have pockets. Life is more important and living life to the fullest is my goal. Money, power and status (in my book) has nothing to do with a full life! I like good kibble and good snausages. I love smoked pig ear. Sometimes I eat grass or my own poop (I know, I shouldn’t!!) I always vote, I write lots of letters, I belong to organizations. I volunteer, but not enough. I have a dramatically shorter life expectancy than humans, so hurry up!


7 Responses to “Macho Steak Jet Personals!”

  1. Hunge~Doc Says:

    Dear Bipedal Sentient Dog,
    I came across your personal ad late last night and was immediately intrigued. Maybe we can meet up for a drink sometime? I am unable to move.

  2. machosteakjet Says:

    I’m very, very interested in a potential meetup. I’m thinking something romantic. Perhaps an evening of shitting on newspapers, followed by a neat trimming, followed by mutual masturbation with a liver brownie? I can’t wait to chain you to a tree…oh I’m getting hot just thinking about it…

  3. Bipedal Sentient Dog Says:

    Dear Hunge~Doc,

    Hi there! I know what you mean about being unable to move. When I have an erection, I find it very difficult to remove myself. I might be interested in getting together for a drink. Toilet water or puddles, I could go either way. Send pics!

  4. Bipedal Sentient Dog Says:

    Hey machosteakjet,

    Glad you’re interested. I LOVE shitting on newspapers. It’s like we already know each other. Send Pics (of you, chain, and tree, please)!

  5. Shluck Chong Says:


  6. Bipedal Sentient Dog Says:

    Hi there Chong!

    それは非常に魅力的な提供である。 私にあなたの叉の映像を送りなさい!

  7. Shluck Chonog Says:


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