Medical Science Reports: Study Results Doc: MSJ Clinical Trial Results: Microbial Agent Shows Promise in Symptomatic Voriconazole and Aspergillosis in the Runic Curse


Photobucket Study Type: Interventional
Study Design: Treatment, Randomized, Open Label, Uncontrolled, Random Group Assignment/Euthanasia Study
Official Title:
Open Label Study of Isavuconazole in the Termination of Patients With Aspergillosis and Renal Impairment With Non-Invasive, Æsiric Curses.

Introduction:
The Science Now! editors, in the interest of maintaining a positive relationship with our shareholders, would like to give a full accounting of the recent MSJ Clinical Trial Results from our ongoing research into Æsiric and Alaisiagaeic curses.

Purpose:
This study examined the effectiveness of the drug doxycycline in reducing the number of Þrúðheimr perstans (Þp), worms in the blood of runically cursed patients and thereby initiating spontaneous Aldric draining by natural means.

Þp is a very small filarial worm that is spread chiefly by Nordendorf Druids. Þp can cause swellings in the arms, legs, breast, face, hands, feet, lower back, upper back, eyes, ears and scrotum, and can progress to permanent swelling of the legs or arms called elephantitis. Þp can cause itching, swelling, fever, headache, pilonoidal leaking, sinus infections, or other symptoms. Ivermectin and albendazole are medicines used to treat congenital damnation. They eliminate the Þp parasite from the blood but do not correct persistent moral corruption (as defined as an unwillingness to wield Sigurdhr Fåvnesbane in the MSJASAM Standards Doc 2b, sub. 4.0005.0a). The drug may be useful in the Þp (Àlf-blót) infections (cause of Skaldic swelling) as well.

Residents of Nordendorf and nearby villages in Saxony who are infected with the Þp parasite, were between 14 and 65 years of age, were in deteriorating health, had a marked and swollen rune pouch, were not pregnant or breastfeeding, and weighed at least 40 kg (88 lb) were eligible for this study. They may or may not also have been infected with wyrd. Candidates were screened with a brief medical history, proximal habitation to a barrow-mound, and blood tests to look for infection with Þp. Daughters of Aegir were excluded for legal reasons.

Subject Selection:
The team developed a positive relationship with our subjects.

Our subjects were chosen carefully based on the MSJASAM Standards Doc. #2a, section 1a: “Guidelines for Subject Selection and Liquidation”. As per the guidelines foremost in our consideration were nearness to death and symptomatic manifestation of inner Skaldic corruption. Lab assistants were assigned standardized diagnostic tools and guidelines:

Figure 1a: Symptom Guidline
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Figure 1b: Pictorial Diagnostic Aid
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Results:
In this post-treatment image, we can clearly see that despite planned euthanasia, we clearly made progress in establishing the relationship between astrological perturbations and manifestation of the symptomatic curse:

One of the truly surprising and gratifying results of the trial is pictured here. This patient showed an (almost) complete absence of Æsiric corruption:

While this subject showed promising signs of progress, there were some unfortunate side-effects:

Pre-treatment:
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Post-treatment:
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However, the most astonishing result came in the fourteenth year of the study. A picture is worth a thousand words:

Pre-treatment:

Post-treatment:
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The effect of our microbial agents on these subjects was quite conclusive and was the key result that led to MSJFDA Approval.

Conclusion:
Machosteakjet continues its groundbreaking work for The Medical Sciences. The MSJ Science Team thanks you for your continued financial support.

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7 Responses to “Medical Science Reports: Study Results Doc: MSJ Clinical Trial Results: Microbial Agent Shows Promise in Symptomatic Voriconazole and Aspergillosis in the Runic Curse”

  1. machosteakjet Says:

    I fell out of my chair with both laughter and fear from this one!

  2. machosteakjet Says:

    This is completely reshaping the way my tribe views the world. Thank you MSJ for yet again shining the unblinking eye of science onto the ever expanding field of Runic Curse Research and Development!

  3. Infinite Soup (Classic) Says:

    Thanks MSJ for helping my beat this case of “the blahs” by prescribing CELEBREX™ n’ Tonic! þæt hine on ylde eft gewunigen wilgesiþas, þonne wig cume, leode gelæsten; lofdædum sceal in mægþa gehwære man geþeon!!!

  4. Thor Thorson Says:

    I love this post so much. Not only was it a factual story of learning, it allowed me to freely pee in my own mouth. Thank you MSJ!

  5. machosteakjet Says:

    What does it mean that we were visited by The Liberty Bell?

  6. Thor Thorson Says:

    I thin kit means we need more filth in our diets IMHO LOL LASER

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