Archive for the Breaking News Category

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Message received! Bob Dole phones in from his secret base

Posted in 3rd League Kawanis Club, Absolute Concept, Betwix thine sheets hath done mine office, Breaking News, Dino-whore, Hamburger Sexy Mandolin Player Man, Hand Held Microphone, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, Human Interest Story, Merlin VS. Caring, MSJ & THE ENVIRONMENT, NO MORE 世界是漂亮PUPATING到另一個世界 AROUND, Primate Freedom, Science Now!, Sun Tan Gossip, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, Unflappable Grace, Zero Froufrou with tags , , , , , , on November 5, 2010 by machosteakjet

I’m just a regular American guy. I’ve got a truck, smoke a little too much, maybe missing a few toes. Nothing too unusual. At my 9-to-5 I’ve gotten by for years on my old Two Wolf Moon T-Shirt. “Bring the loader over to bay 4” they’d say, and I’d get over there and get it done, my two wolves classy enough for work but also letting the passing ladies know I’m a raging torrent of untamed American spirit yearning to breath free, preferably naked. I’m no Don Juan, but I did ok — mostly with Janice from Accounting, until she got diptheria.

Most of my income went to the good life, brewed high in the Rockies if you know what I mean. But one day I decided to take some hard earned dough and upgrade. Bigtime. When I got my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt, I knew my life had changed, but I didn’t know how much.

When I put it on, the effect was immediate. 33% more wolf was almost too much to handle. It was like wearing 1500 ccs of chaps on a 1800 cc motorcycle. The vibrations alone were almost enough to throw me off my stride. And the fact that the third wolf faces backwards while howling, demonstrating individuality at the same time as unity of purpose and nobility of spirit, was a metaphor so powerful Roy, the guy who steals my mail, practically took his own foot off with his weed whacker the moment he saw me.

Jesus.

After suturing him up with some spare baling twine, I trotted down to the hardware store to stock up. Bad idea. The rippling of my well endowed man curves apparently set the wolves to almost a hypnotic shimmering, trapped and yet freed under the opalescent moon they eternally worship and yet deny. Some guy took one look at me and backed right into a concrete planter. I almost stopped to see if he was ok, but then I remembered that wolves don’t stop for anybody, particularly when howling.

These days, I’m making $1.15 more an hour, and I keep getting free cable. With the savings, I’m thinking …maybe…just maybe, it’ll be Four Wolf Time soon. But for those of you who have put in your time and training on the One and Two wolf shirts, I highly recommend investing in an upgrade. You’ll never truly soar free without one.

NELSON MANDELA V. BOB BARKER

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MACHOSTEAKJET™ BREAKING NEWS! RARE DINOSAUR DIARRHEA FOUND IN AREA RESTAURANT

Posted in Big Butt's Flutaphone, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Breaking News, Education, Great and honorable change shape wet, It's Getting Hot In Here, Macho Steak Jet News Service, Oriental?, poop log, REAL ISSUES, Science, Science Now!, Sherlock Tube, Symptoms, Unflappable Grace, Universal Consciousness pt 2 with tags , , , , , , , on January 8, 2009 by machosteakjet

RARE DINOSAUR DIARRHEA FOUND IN AREA RESTAURANT
Thursday, January 8th, 2009

(Chicago, USA)

For years scientists have known about “coprolites” or fossilized dinosaur droppings but for the first time, evidence of severe dinosaur dyspepsia has been found on a shelf at the Bennigan’s on Michigan Avenue.

Scientists have found the first example of dinosaur diarrhea at a downtown Chicago restaurant.

Scientists have found the first example of dinosaur diarrhea at a downtown Chicago restaurant.

“この恐竜を食べた白い城では、” said paleontologist Sluck Chong “明確な証拠だと思います。” Dr. Chong, along with gastroenterologist Catapult Destroyer, is credited with the discovery.

It seems the “diarrhealite” has been serving for many years as decor in the downtown Chicago restaurant because of its nuanced and alluring colors and textures. Because the sample had been removed from its original locality, it is unclear what kind of dinosaur it is from. Still, experts are calling this a significant find and know for certain the dinosaur had eaten corn in the 24 hours before depositing.

“This is the first indication we have that being a dinosaur wasn’t 100% completely awesome all the time, you know, totally gobbling cavewomen with your enormous jaws and no arms.” corroborated Dr. Destroyer.