Archive for the Christmas Time! Category

NELSON MANDELA V. BOB BARKER

Posted in 13th Floored, 3rd League Kawanis Club, 87 mile beard, 9002, A Big Letter to Your Mother, A Wizard's Nose, Absolute Concept, Albino Hair System, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Arvak and Alsvid, Atheist Silverback, , सुंदर पुनर्जन्म., BARNEY FIFE PORTAL, Bánh khúc cây Giáng sinh, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Birthday Apocalypse, Black time travel, Breaking News, Canary of the Sea, Chap Camp™, Chocolate Teeth, Christmas Time!, Chupa-cobra!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dino-whore, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, Economic Gibbon Flip, Ed, Education, El Agujero Dos, El Circulo de la Fortuna, Epicurean Torture Chamber, Extra Ectoplasm Please, Face Fuck Smash Core, First Time Doc, First Time Docs, Flagrant Disrespect for The Law, Flesh Suit, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, Friend Group 1879!!, Friend Group 2008!!, Full Bodied Tatoo, Galapagos Sexpot, Giving Time, Gnostic Shopping Spree, GOD, Great and honorable change shape wet, Gylfaginning Delight, Habeus Arthropodum, Habeus Arthropodus, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Henna Time!, Hoary Rackuun, Holiday Miracles, Horse Riding Lions, Huge Women, Human Interest Story, Human Kindness, Humane Blowhole, I just found out I only have 2 hands, I Litter to Make Crazy Horse Cry, illegitimate Dream Children, Indonesian composting, Infinity, Infinity + 1, It's Getting Hot In Here, Ω, Japanese Breakfast, Jet Machista Del Filete, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Kris Kringle Assault, Krream Cheese, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Macho Steak Jet News Service, Merkin Surprise, Merlin VS. Caring, Mountain Vista, MSJ Fundraiser and Tutoring Romp, MSJ Internationale, Murder of Crons, Nature's Midwife, New Born Induced Orgasms, Nostradamus Kidnapping Spree, Oiled Leather Overalls, Oriental?, Original Hymen Destruction, Pelvic Issues, poop log, Post History Situation Comedy, Precoital Inaugural Truths, Preinaugural Postcoital Truths, Presidential BBQ tips, Rawhide Dawn, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Ropey & No No, Runt Vacuity, Same Channel, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Sasquatch Surrogate, Scary Basement Grampa, Science, Science Now!, Sentient Neck Brace, Shantastico!, Sherlock Tube, Shower Genius, Slutty nun midget whippings, Smart Philanthrophy Choices, So Take Out All Your Files, Sobriety S.O.S.C.U.B.A., Sun Tan Gossip, SURD, Symptoms, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Big Shouldered Why, The Entente Of Ted Kennedy's Feelings, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, The Fresno Fishwich, time travel, Titz, Trucker Handles That Kill You, Uncategorized, Underworld Freedoms!, Underworld Proteksions, Unflappable Grace, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness PART III, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Unmerciful Phone Call, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Vestigial Wig, Virulent Christmas Loins, Welcome, Why Essents?, Wormhole Atlas, X-mas Farge, Yanni Bake, 帝國主義 on March 5, 2009 by machosteakjet

+

=

!?

Advertisements

Ziggy Chronicles Catch Up

Posted in 13th Floored, A Wizard's Nose, Christmas Time!, Chupa-cobra!, Flesh Suit, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, Friend Group 2008!!, Galapagos Sexpot, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Henna Time!, Hoary Rackuun, Humane Blowhole, I Litter to Make Crazy Horse Cry, Japanese Breakfast, Merlin VS. Caring, Oiled Leather Overalls, Presidential BBQ tips, Ropey & No No, Scary Basement Grampa, Science Now!, Shower Genius, Sobriety S.O.S.C.U.B.A., Unflappable Grace on January 27, 2009 by machosteakjet

ziggy-chron1

Happy Holidays from my family…

Posted in Atheist Silverback, Black time travel, Christmas Time!, Holiday Miracles, Science, Science Now!, time travel, Universal Consciousness pt 2 on December 29, 2008 by Billy Carter

img_3146

in 1987!

A Heart Warming Holiday Story

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, , Christmas Time!, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, Face Fuck Smash Core, Huge Women, I just found out I only have 2 hands, Japanese Breakfast, Korean Peace Children, poop log, Ropey & No No, Science Now!, Sherlock Tube, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, Virulent Christmas Loins, Wormhole Atlas, 帝國主義 on December 29, 2008 by machosteakjet

firespirit111

It was about 5 months ago when I broke my legs. I sit a lot looking out over the lazy golden river snuggled between candy crusted snow caps. It’s been days since I’ve drank any purified water, which is a problem since all the wells are poisoned with blackened cow parts. Some local Boner thought that’d be a funny gift to the locals. Shit sucking hillbilly. Most of us are dead now. Look, I’m going to get right to it.

Obama’s doing a great job gathering his cabinet. I mean, we’ll get a clearer sense of what he’s planning once he gets his new dog all picked out.

Did you know pirates are a problem in the world again? Kerry says we shouldn’t rush in without enough information. He knows about this type of stuff since he was part of Swift Boat. They say that’s where he rushed a grenade launching Chinese Hobgoblin and cut his heart out with a blade curved like a bow.

Let’s just say a little bird told me. And let’s also say that little bird was actually huge and has been perched on my roof sucking ideas out of my mind since last spring.

And nothing swells my joy more than to know Bill Clinton was getting donations from Saudi Arabia, Norway and Bill Gates for that big Black Magic Library everybody’s talking about down there in New York City.

Well, let me tell you, when I head all that, I slit my joy’s neck, drained it of its blood, and raised a sacrificial goblet to myself and the virulent power of my own fucking loins.

Happy Holidays!
Damn Your Eyes!

A Special Holiday First Time Doc!

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Arvak and Alsvid, Atheist Silverback, , BARNEY FIFE PORTAL, Bánh khúc cây Giáng sinh, Canary of the Sea, Christmas Time!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, Economic Gibbon Flip, Hand Held Microphone, Holiday Miracles, Horse Riding Lions, Huge Women, Ω, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Kris Kringle Assault, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, New Born Induced Orgasms, REAL ISSUES, Science Now!, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Vestigial Wig, Wormhole Atlas, Yanni Bake, 帝國主義 on December 25, 2008 by machosteakjet

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about "Special Holiday First Time Doc!", posted with vodpod

A Very Special Holiday Episode of MACHO Steak Jet (MagiKS) Terra-Clown @ Barbie DreamouZZZZZZZ® 

Posted in 87 mile beard, A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, , Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Black time travel, Christmas Time!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, El Circulo de la Fortuna, Flesh Suit, GOD, Gylfaginning Delight, Holiday Miracles, Human Interest Story, I just found out I only have 2 hands, illegitimate Dream Children, Infinity, Infinity + 1, Komparative History™, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Nature's Midwife, poop log, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Same Channel, Symptoms, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Vestigial Wig, Why Essents? on December 24, 2008 by machosteakjet

Let the Englishmen have their Father Christmas. Save Schmutzli for the Germans. It is my pleasure, honor and — as an forester/gastroenterologist/wizard — my professional obligation to introduce you gentlemen and gentlewomen at MACHO Steak Jet (MagiKS) Terra-Clown @ Barbie DreamouZZZZZZZ® to the heroic Catalan tradition of the Caga Tio (trans: Poop Log).

150px-cagatio2

Caga Tio is a log that Catalan families keep in their houses during the yuletide. A word of explanation from the infallible Wikipedia™:

Beginning with the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8), one gives the tió a little bit to “eat” every night and usually covers him with a little blanket so that he will not be cold at night.

On Christmas day or, depending on the particular household, on Christmas Eve, one puts the tió partly into the fireplace and orders it to “poop” (the fire part of this tradition is no longer as widespread as it once was, since many modern homes do not have a fireplace). To make him “poop”, one beats him with sticks, while singing various songs of Tió de Nadal.

That’s right. You force-feed him for three weeks and then, literally, beat the shit out of him, taunting him with this song:

poop log,
poop turrón,
hazelnuts and cottage cheese,
if you don’t poop well,
I’ll hit you with a stick,
poop log!

after which the poop log placidly defecates nuts, dried fruit and presents out his wooden anus (in this way, not unlike Just1n).

tio2

When nothing is left to “poop”, it drops a salt herring, a head of garlic, an onion or “urinates”. What comes out of the tió is a communal rather than individual gift, shared by everyone present.

Personally, I applaud the Catalans. For a long time, I’ve maintained the family that makes the poop log together will stay together. Someday, I hope to make the poop log with my kids, make one big poop log for the whole family. And I’m already excited to show-off our poop log to our friends and neighbors.

2090782469_850d3195651

By the way, this is not the weirdest European Christmas tradition. Just wait until next year when we blow the lid of Zwarte Piet.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!

MachoSteakJet Science Now! Philanthropy Case #78.3JG

Posted in 87 mile beard, A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Arvak and Alsvid, , Bánh khúc cây Giáng sinh, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Black time travel, Canary of the Sea, Christmas Time!, Chupa-cobra!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, El Circulo de la Fortuna, First Time Doc, First Time Docs, Friend Group 2008!!, GOD, Gylfaginning Delight, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Hoary Rackuun, Horse Riding Lions, Human Interest Story, I just found out I only have 2 hands, illegitimate Dream Children, Indonesian composting, Infinity, Ω, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Krream Cheese, Kwan Yin, Mountain Vista, Nature's Midwife, New Born Induced Orgasms, Oiled Leather Overalls, Presidential BBQ tips, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Ropey & No No, Same Channel, Sasquatch Surrogate, Science, Science Now!, Sherlock Tube, SURD, Symptoms, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Entente Of Ted Kennedy's Feelings, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, time travel, Titz, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Why Essents?, 帝國主義 on December 20, 2008 by machosteakjet

psykentucky1

‘Yes’, my Tranhumanist friend told me, ‘It does look like a pie plate connected to metal squids. But it is so much more. You see, Magnetoencephalography will measure your brain waves to tell us how you drove your mother mad with visions.’

As the tests wore on, they took the days with them. And my power grew. And so did my disgust. Although my friend allowed me to brush his horse, ‘Clever’, I could see his mind, and knew his insatiable appetite for enormous women would tear us apart.

He always fucked my new giant girlfriends. And that is exactly why I made his god damn head explode.

But now that I call Dubai my new home, I am free to pursue the life I have always wished for.

Thanks to you MachoSteakJet for sponsoring me!