Archive for the Ingenuity and Progress Category

AMAZING!

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, Advancements in Plumbing, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Black time travel, Branding Message Ending, Crusteasian Amphibious Evolvement, Damp With Sleet, Dirty Serpent Rope, First Time Docs, French Piss, Full Bodied Tatoo, Henna Time!, Hera; the economy; and YOU, Hoary Rackuun, Ingenuity and Progress, αεριωθούμενο αεροπλάνο μπριζόλας φαλλοκρατών, Lawn and Garden, Mayan Codex Photo Album, MSJ & THE ENVIRONMENT, Nature's Midwife, New Yert, Orginal Science Pleasings, poop log, Post History Situation Comedy, Scary Basement Grampa, Shantastico!, Symptoms, THE ANTHROPOLOGISTS, the Authority on the Mayan Codexes, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Vampiric Pizza Hut, Zero Froufrou with tags , , , on December 8, 2009 by machosteakjet

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Posted in 1 to go, 2 borks down, 25331936, 25333386, 28 Foot Dude, and YOU, ☼♫♫♫♫♫☼, Betwix thine sheets hath done mine office, Big Butt's Flutaphone, BIONAUTICS NOW!, Candlecobra, Catain Ron 2, Flagrant Disrespect for The Law, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, French Piss, Friend Group 1879!!, Full Bodied Tatoo, Henna Time!, Hera; the economy; and YOU, Holiday Miracles, Human Interest Story, Humane Blowhole, IMMINENT DOOM, Infinity, Infinity + 1, Ingenuity and Progress, John Major Jenkins, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Lemony Fredge, Meet me at the Sex Couch!, MORTAL KROMBAG, MSJ Personals, Murder Capitol of the worle, Murder of Crons, NATIVE AMERICAN RIVER CAT SHOW, NO MORE FUCKING AROUND, NO MORE 世界是漂亮PUPATING到另一個世界 AROUND, NOOO!!!!!, Oh Mexico!, Ooooo skimpy!, Pelvic Issues, penis shaped island, Plugs, Post History Situation Comedy, Relativist family reunion, Ropey & No No, Runt Vacuity, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Scary Basement Grampa, Science, Science Now!, Scrotal Hat, Shantastico!, Sherlock Tube, Shower Genius, Solar Knowledge Science Time!, Steam Goblin, Succulent Cutlet Shroud, Sun Tan Gossip, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, The Fresno Fishwich, The Safe Word: Snug Fit, Unmerciful Phone Call, Vampiric Pizza Hut, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, X-mas Farge, Yanni Bake, Zero Froufrou on September 16, 2009 by machosteakjet

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I am Released: La Befana, Basta, Basta

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Branding Message Ending, Chocolate Teeth, Crouching Bosom, Don't touch it!!, Earth-spray, Face Fuck Smash Core, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, GOD, Great and honorable change shape wet, Haegar und Hygiene, Homeful Car Singings, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, Humane Blowhole, Ingenuity and Progress, It's Getting Hot In Here, Merlin VS. Caring, Murder of Crons, Organic Centaur, Plugs, Presidential BBQ tips, Runt Vacuity, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, Zero Froufrou on April 1, 2009 by machosteakjet

As the Italian legend has it, the three Wise Men were in search of the Christ Child when they decided to stop at a small house to ask for directions. Upon knocking, an old woman holding a broom opened the door slightly to see who was there. Standing at her doorstep were three colorfully dressed men who were in need of directions to find the Christ Child. The old woman was unaware of who these three men were looking for and could not point them in the right direction. They kindly asked the old woman to join them on their journey. She declined because she had much housework to do. ‘Ho molto scopare da fare’, said she.
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(Above) La scopa

After the three men left she felt as though she had made a mistake. How was she to know that this simple misunderstanding would eventually damn her soul to eternal wandering? Thinking of the opportunity she had missed, the old woman stopped every child to give them a small treat in hopes that one was the Christ child. The first child the old woman fed a treat to died of a peanut allergy, and so thusly, was cursed for eternity by God.

Each year on the eve of the Epiphany she sets out with her bag of peanut candy searching each child’s house for Christ. La Befana has haunted children for over 2,000 years and it was thought that for countless years more she would continue to haunt until The Lion at World’s End finally released her. Recent skeletal remains tell a different tale. Le Befana is dead; there is no question. But was this an unlawful mercy killing, or does our recent discovery unearth a much darker truth? Oh Lion, Oh Slippery Pale of Sleeping Basilisks, shall we now prepare our final nine steps and follow you down in our own Hel-Shoes?

Although our question may not be answered until it is too late, let us use our time wisely and search for some truths. Firstly, how did we know the skull and broom we unearthed was that of La Befana? When skeletal remains are found, and the victim remains unidentified after traditional means of identification fail, MSJ investigators may call upon the forensic artist to utilize the three-dimensional facial reconstruction technique.
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Investigators may call upon the forensic artist

The three-dimensional process is initiated by placing the skull on a workable stand, where it can easily be tilted and turned in all directions. The skull must be positioned in The Frankfort Horizontal Position for optimal viewing:
frankfort-horizontal-position

Tissue markers and clay will be systematically applied directly on the skull following its contours. Measurements are then made, and logged, to determine nose thickness/length, mouth thickness/width, and eye placement. Information such as geographic location of where the deceased lived/ died, his or her lifestyle, and the various information provided to the artist by the Forensic Anthropologist and other professionals, is heavily relied upon when completing the reconstruction.

In terms of life style we can safely put her in the ever growing category of ‘Eternal Wanderer’. As for geographic location we can not accurately say since the entire Earth was her prison. Luckily though we know where she died because her remains show us that the nameless marshland outside the city limits of Ferrara is in fact where she inhaled copious amounts of bog mud. Samples taken that had coalesced inside her skull’s nose cavity places her approximate death in and around the year of 2007.

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Before and after: Christmas Witch of Italy: La Befana

Both our forensic anthropologist and artists were astounded by what they had discovered. We may never know who killed La Befana and this may be the end of our world. While these discoveries are very important, The College of MachoSteakJet™ is most intrigued by the notion that the blight of eternal suffering can be broken by an even more heinous crime of murder. God cast his angered eye down and smote La Befana with his holy justice. This we know. But if murder is in the domain of Old Nick, does this mean his will is ultimately stronger than our Golden Savior of Holy Might and Righteousness? One day we hope our science will be muscular enough to identify, but in the meantime, we can only pray.
Rest in Peace Treat Witch.

We most likely will meet your spirit very, very soon.

EXCLUSIVE! Excerpts from the minutes of the Semi-Annual Ma(r)chosteak Jet Board Meeting

Posted in Absolute Zero Froufrou, Don't touch it!!, Freckles are God's spit, Ingenuity and Progress, NOOO!!!!!, Organic Centaur, Science Now!, YESSSSS!!!!! on March 30, 2009 by machosteakjet

The board members here at MachOSTeakjet™ have recently decided to provide an unprecedented level of transparency into the inner workings of our institution. What better way to start than to give you, the viewer, a chance to see excerpts from our recent Semi-Annual Ma(r)ch0steak Jet Board Meeting. We hope you enjoy!
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