Archive for the Presidential BBQ tips Category

RUPERT H. WHELDON ILLUSTRATED

Posted in 'n tasty, Advancements in Plumbing, Bald Faced Mascot, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Canary of the Sea, Cannibalistic Mother, Celery skin graft, Cloaca, Don't touch it!!, Earth-spray, Extra Ectoplasm Please, Flesh Suit, Fuud, Governance, Hamburger Sexy Mandolin Player Man, Humane Blowhole, Japanese Breakfast, Kris Kringle Assault, Krream Cheese, Machostekjet Fuuds, Meat Hero, Nature's Midwife, Our Bodies Our Shelves, Pelvic Issues, poop log, Presidential BBQ tips, Rawhide Dawn, Runt Vacuity, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Shark Pile!, Snacks, Succulent Cutlet Shroud, Tender Fire, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Fresno Fishwich, Vampiric Pizza Hut with tags on December 4, 2009 by machosteakjet



How to eat sensually.

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Boughb vs. the Golem (The wrath of Ap-llyn)

Posted in 'n tasty, 28 Foot Dude, A Big Letter to Your Mother, A Wizard's Nose, Albino Hair System, Arvak and Alsvid, Cannibalistic Mother, Color Theory for Big People, Meat Hero, NO MORE FUCKING AROUND, Presidential BBQ tips, Unmerciful Phone Call with tags , , , , , , , on June 30, 2009 by machosteakjet

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I am Released: La Befana, Basta, Basta

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Branding Message Ending, Chocolate Teeth, Crouching Bosom, Don't touch it!!, Earth-spray, Face Fuck Smash Core, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, GOD, Great and honorable change shape wet, Haegar und Hygiene, Homeful Car Singings, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, Humane Blowhole, Ingenuity and Progress, It's Getting Hot In Here, Merlin VS. Caring, Murder of Crons, Organic Centaur, Plugs, Presidential BBQ tips, Runt Vacuity, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, Zero Froufrou on April 1, 2009 by machosteakjet

As the Italian legend has it, the three Wise Men were in search of the Christ Child when they decided to stop at a small house to ask for directions. Upon knocking, an old woman holding a broom opened the door slightly to see who was there. Standing at her doorstep were three colorfully dressed men who were in need of directions to find the Christ Child. The old woman was unaware of who these three men were looking for and could not point them in the right direction. They kindly asked the old woman to join them on their journey. She declined because she had much housework to do. ‘Ho molto scopare da fare’, said she.
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(Above) La scopa

After the three men left she felt as though she had made a mistake. How was she to know that this simple misunderstanding would eventually damn her soul to eternal wandering? Thinking of the opportunity she had missed, the old woman stopped every child to give them a small treat in hopes that one was the Christ child. The first child the old woman fed a treat to died of a peanut allergy, and so thusly, was cursed for eternity by God.

Each year on the eve of the Epiphany she sets out with her bag of peanut candy searching each child’s house for Christ. La Befana has haunted children for over 2,000 years and it was thought that for countless years more she would continue to haunt until The Lion at World’s End finally released her. Recent skeletal remains tell a different tale. Le Befana is dead; there is no question. But was this an unlawful mercy killing, or does our recent discovery unearth a much darker truth? Oh Lion, Oh Slippery Pale of Sleeping Basilisks, shall we now prepare our final nine steps and follow you down in our own Hel-Shoes?

Although our question may not be answered until it is too late, let us use our time wisely and search for some truths. Firstly, how did we know the skull and broom we unearthed was that of La Befana? When skeletal remains are found, and the victim remains unidentified after traditional means of identification fail, MSJ investigators may call upon the forensic artist to utilize the three-dimensional facial reconstruction technique.
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Investigators may call upon the forensic artist

The three-dimensional process is initiated by placing the skull on a workable stand, where it can easily be tilted and turned in all directions. The skull must be positioned in The Frankfort Horizontal Position for optimal viewing:
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Tissue markers and clay will be systematically applied directly on the skull following its contours. Measurements are then made, and logged, to determine nose thickness/length, mouth thickness/width, and eye placement. Information such as geographic location of where the deceased lived/ died, his or her lifestyle, and the various information provided to the artist by the Forensic Anthropologist and other professionals, is heavily relied upon when completing the reconstruction.

In terms of life style we can safely put her in the ever growing category of ‘Eternal Wanderer’. As for geographic location we can not accurately say since the entire Earth was her prison. Luckily though we know where she died because her remains show us that the nameless marshland outside the city limits of Ferrara is in fact where she inhaled copious amounts of bog mud. Samples taken that had coalesced inside her skull’s nose cavity places her approximate death in and around the year of 2007.

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Before and after: Christmas Witch of Italy: La Befana

Both our forensic anthropologist and artists were astounded by what they had discovered. We may never know who killed La Befana and this may be the end of our world. While these discoveries are very important, The College of MachoSteakJet™ is most intrigued by the notion that the blight of eternal suffering can be broken by an even more heinous crime of murder. God cast his angered eye down and smote La Befana with his holy justice. This we know. But if murder is in the domain of Old Nick, does this mean his will is ultimately stronger than our Golden Savior of Holy Might and Righteousness? One day we hope our science will be muscular enough to identify, but in the meantime, we can only pray.
Rest in Peace Treat Witch.

We most likely will meet your spirit very, very soon.

NELSON MANDELA V. BOB BARKER

Posted in 13th Floored, 3rd League Kawanis Club, 87 mile beard, 9002, A Big Letter to Your Mother, A Wizard's Nose, Absolute Concept, Albino Hair System, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Arvak and Alsvid, Atheist Silverback, , सुंदर पुनर्जन्म., BARNEY FIFE PORTAL, Bánh khúc cây Giáng sinh, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Birthday Apocalypse, Black time travel, Breaking News, Canary of the Sea, Chap Camp™, Chocolate Teeth, Christmas Time!, Chupa-cobra!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dino-whore, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, Economic Gibbon Flip, Ed, Education, El Agujero Dos, El Circulo de la Fortuna, Epicurean Torture Chamber, Extra Ectoplasm Please, Face Fuck Smash Core, First Time Doc, First Time Docs, Flagrant Disrespect for The Law, Flesh Suit, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, Friend Group 1879!!, Friend Group 2008!!, Full Bodied Tatoo, Galapagos Sexpot, Giving Time, Gnostic Shopping Spree, GOD, Great and honorable change shape wet, Gylfaginning Delight, Habeus Arthropodum, Habeus Arthropodus, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Henna Time!, Hoary Rackuun, Holiday Miracles, Horse Riding Lions, Huge Women, Human Interest Story, Human Kindness, Humane Blowhole, I just found out I only have 2 hands, I Litter to Make Crazy Horse Cry, illegitimate Dream Children, Indonesian composting, Infinity, Infinity + 1, It's Getting Hot In Here, Ω, Japanese Breakfast, Jet Machista Del Filete, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Kris Kringle Assault, Krream Cheese, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Macho Steak Jet News Service, Merkin Surprise, Merlin VS. Caring, Mountain Vista, MSJ Fundraiser and Tutoring Romp, MSJ Internationale, Murder of Crons, Nature's Midwife, New Born Induced Orgasms, Nostradamus Kidnapping Spree, Oiled Leather Overalls, Oriental?, Original Hymen Destruction, Pelvic Issues, poop log, Post History Situation Comedy, Precoital Inaugural Truths, Preinaugural Postcoital Truths, Presidential BBQ tips, Rawhide Dawn, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Ropey & No No, Runt Vacuity, Same Channel, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Sasquatch Surrogate, Scary Basement Grampa, Science, Science Now!, Sentient Neck Brace, Shantastico!, Sherlock Tube, Shower Genius, Slutty nun midget whippings, Smart Philanthrophy Choices, So Take Out All Your Files, Sobriety S.O.S.C.U.B.A., Sun Tan Gossip, SURD, Symptoms, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Big Shouldered Why, The Entente Of Ted Kennedy's Feelings, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, The Fresno Fishwich, time travel, Titz, Trucker Handles That Kill You, Uncategorized, Underworld Freedoms!, Underworld Proteksions, Unflappable Grace, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness PART III, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Unmerciful Phone Call, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Vestigial Wig, Virulent Christmas Loins, Welcome, Why Essents?, Wormhole Atlas, X-mas Farge, Yanni Bake, 帝國主義 on March 5, 2009 by machosteakjet

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Ziggy Chronicles Catch Up

Posted in 13th Floored, A Wizard's Nose, Christmas Time!, Chupa-cobra!, Flesh Suit, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, Friend Group 2008!!, Galapagos Sexpot, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Henna Time!, Hoary Rackuun, Humane Blowhole, I Litter to Make Crazy Horse Cry, Japanese Breakfast, Merlin VS. Caring, Oiled Leather Overalls, Presidential BBQ tips, Ropey & No No, Scary Basement Grampa, Science Now!, Shower Genius, Sobriety S.O.S.C.U.B.A., Unflappable Grace on January 27, 2009 by machosteakjet

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I don’t just eat apes, I eat silverback.

Posted in 87 mile beard, A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Birthday Apocalypse, Black time travel, Chocolate Teeth, Color Theory for Big People, Face Fuck Smash Core, Holiday Miracles, I just found out I only have 2 hands, Lawn and Garden, Merkin Surprise, Oiled Leather Overalls, Presidential BBQ tips, Ropey & No No, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Scary Basement Grampa, Science Now!, Sherlock Tube, Shower Genius, Slutty nun midget whippings, The Big Shouldered Why, Unflappable Grace, Unmerciful Phone Call, Virulent Christmas Loins on January 8, 2009 by Who's your man? OH YEAH! Limp Handshake is the man!

MachoSteakJet Science Now! Philanthropy Case #78.3JG

Posted in 87 mile beard, A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Arvak and Alsvid, , Bánh khúc cây Giáng sinh, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Black time travel, Canary of the Sea, Christmas Time!, Chupa-cobra!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, El Circulo de la Fortuna, First Time Doc, First Time Docs, Friend Group 2008!!, GOD, Gylfaginning Delight, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Hoary Rackuun, Horse Riding Lions, Human Interest Story, I just found out I only have 2 hands, illegitimate Dream Children, Indonesian composting, Infinity, Ω, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Krream Cheese, Kwan Yin, Mountain Vista, Nature's Midwife, New Born Induced Orgasms, Oiled Leather Overalls, Presidential BBQ tips, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Ropey & No No, Same Channel, Sasquatch Surrogate, Science, Science Now!, Sherlock Tube, SURD, Symptoms, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Entente Of Ted Kennedy's Feelings, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, time travel, Titz, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Why Essents?, 帝國主義 on December 20, 2008 by machosteakjet

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‘Yes’, my Tranhumanist friend told me, ‘It does look like a pie plate connected to metal squids. But it is so much more. You see, Magnetoencephalography will measure your brain waves to tell us how you drove your mother mad with visions.’

As the tests wore on, they took the days with them. And my power grew. And so did my disgust. Although my friend allowed me to brush his horse, ‘Clever’, I could see his mind, and knew his insatiable appetite for enormous women would tear us apart.

He always fucked my new giant girlfriends. And that is exactly why I made his god damn head explode.

But now that I call Dubai my new home, I am free to pursue the life I have always wished for.

Thanks to you MachoSteakJet for sponsoring me!