Archive for the Why Essents? Category

High Tech Proof Shows Frank Asch Leads To Asian Supremacism

Posted in Great and honorable change shape wet, Oh Mexico!, Science Now!, Sun Tan Gossip, Vampiric Pizza Hut, Why Essents? on January 6, 2010 by machosteakjet

Recent evidence uncovered by Macho Steak Jet Highest Tech Satchmo Labs™ strongly suggests that the poetry of children’s book author Frank Asch leads to an Asian Supremacist agenda. The graphic below shows an incontrovertible link from Asch’s poem Play to a sophisticated east Asian Supremacist sleeper cell:

A Macho Steak Jet HTSL™ administrator who commented on condition of anonymity said: “i’d shoot a puppy over the boarder into Xanadu to send a message to the hot goblins that I won’t sit around and let them live behind my mirror to watch me undress and shampoo my pink pony tail. always bet on black.” Unchecked, he warned, this type of undermining could lead to a dangerous future.

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Macho Steak Jet and the Environment

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, and YOU, , Birthday Apocalypse, Black time travel, Canary of the Sea, Chap Camp™, Cloaca, Crystal City, Damp With Sleet, Derailed Mountaineering Career, Dino-whore, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, Earth-spray, First Time Docs, Galapagos Sexpot, Governance, Haegar und Hygiene, Home & Garden, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, Human Interest Story, Human Kindness, illegitimate Dream Children, Korean Peace Children, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Macho Steak Jet News Service, Mountain Vista, MSJ & THE ENVIRONMENT, Nature's Midwife, Oriental?, Our Bodies Our Shelves, Post History Situation Comedy, Rawhide Dawn, REAL ISSUES, Sasquatch Surrogate, When earth attacks, Why Essents?, Wormhole Atlas on March 23, 2009 by machosteakjet

Macho Steak Jet is committed to environmental leadership in all of its activities, from its technical operations to its award winning FIRST TIME DOCS. MSJ’s corporate policy on environmental affairs is supported by its global environmental sustainability management system business network governance strategy coalition, which is the key to science. The results have been significant:

• Redefine global warming as: Earth Is Totally Hot™!
• 30% increase in griffins over the last 2,500 years
• Get out of your car and into a horse corpse
• Psychomental phase/space “greening” thought broadcast (Universe)
• Reusable hands
• Environmentally Correct Underground Hovercraft
• Prudence
• Trendy euthanasia for the preteen set
• Removable deserts
• Polar Bears v. Tigers
• “Clean Coal”, “Clean Dirt”, “Clean Diarrhea”, “Clean Uncleanliness”, “Space”, “Time”, “True Love”, “Hatchbacks”
• Instant water
• Science
• Terra-forming India
• “Green” Beards (Projected 2014)

Environmental Stewardship

Stewardship

Here’s to a green future, Macho Steak Jet!

MSJ’s 365th Year Blog Anniversary: Remembering He Who Possesses No Defined & Well-fixed Form

Posted in 28 Foot Dude, A Wizard's Nose, Bald Faced Mascot, Dino-whore, Filthy Water People, Foam Lying, Great and honorable change shape wet, I Litter to Make Crazy Horse Cry, Infinity + 1, MSJ Annie Versa A, Native American Science, New Yert, Plugs, Scary Basement Grampa, Science Now!, Scrotal Hat, Steam Goblin, Swash Chuckling Wedding, The Big Shouldered Why, Why Essents?, Wolverine Vs. A Baby on March 13, 2009 by machosteakjet

It was the winter of 1634, 365 years ago to this day, Western Science successfully commingled with Native American Sciencery Techniques in Wisconsin, USA. It was this day that MachoSteakJet™ was born. But that is not the only reason we celebrate today. No, today we celebrate the foundation on which our Great College of Science was built.

The Frenchman and co-father of our Blog, Nicollet, found the ‘People of The Filthy Water’ laughing by the River Winnebago. It was these people who first supplied our forefathers with our Original Mascot: Unktomi, The Trickster.

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“Sit!”

Sit! Let us remember our Original Mascot with a Story of Learning……………….

“Unktomi & the Ducks”

In the beginning, Unktomi had no form. His universe was personal and off-white and he knew no limitations. He was a clumsy cloud of flesh-fog that took interest in hunting. But with what would he hold his spear? A cloud cannot chase prey! He looked down at Wisconsin and laid his eyes on a form so beautiful he would base himself on it: the glistening body of The Original Man.

Now in the shape of the Original Man, his first stint killing a buffalo was disastrous. You see, the time it takes to kill something so large was just enough time for his arms to grow sentient and start quarreling. As he cut the choice meats from the enormous carcass, his right arm and left arm grew bored and decided to fight a bloody battle which left poor Unktomi gouged and shredded.

Now, Unktomi would shift his body again and attempt hunting. This time he would get it right! With his scrotum now perched on his head, his entrails wrapped firmly on the outside of his body, and his 28 foot penis worn as a scarf, he knew with certainty that this hunting trip would be different. Firstly he knew this because he set his sights on hunting duck, and secondly, and most importantly, his anus told him so.

After a day of successful hunting, Unktomi told his anus to keep guard over the roasting duck meat while he slept. As the moon rose and the wind blew, two wolves caught the scent of the delicious duck meat and approached Unktomi’s fire.

When they came close, much to their surprise, gas was expelled from somewhere. “Pooh” was the sound that was made. “Be careful! He must be awake!” said the lead wolf as they ran back away from the camp.

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“Be careful! He must be awake!”

After a while, the other wolf said “Well, I guess he is asleep now. That was only a bluff. He is always up to some tricks.” So again they approached the fire. Again gas was expelled and again they ran back. Three times this happened… Each time louder, still louder, the sound of the gas expelled. “Pooh! Pooh! Pooh!” Yet they did not run away. On the contrary they now began to eat the roasted pieces of duck surrounded in a cloud of gaseous poop.

When Unktomi awoke he was shouting mad and screamed to his Anus, “Oh, you too, you despicable object, what about your behavior? Did I not tell you to watch this fire? You shall remember this! As a punishment for your remissness, I will burn your mouth so you will not be able to use it!” So he took a piece of burning wood and burned the mouth of his anus. … And cried out in the pain he was inflicting on himself.

NELSON MANDELA V. BOB BARKER

Posted in 13th Floored, 3rd League Kawanis Club, 87 mile beard, 9002, A Big Letter to Your Mother, A Wizard's Nose, Absolute Concept, Albino Hair System, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Arvak and Alsvid, Atheist Silverback, , सुंदर पुनर्जन्म., BARNEY FIFE PORTAL, Bánh khúc cây Giáng sinh, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Birthday Apocalypse, Black time travel, Breaking News, Canary of the Sea, Chap Camp™, Chocolate Teeth, Christmas Time!, Chupa-cobra!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dino-whore, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, Economic Gibbon Flip, Ed, Education, El Agujero Dos, El Circulo de la Fortuna, Epicurean Torture Chamber, Extra Ectoplasm Please, Face Fuck Smash Core, First Time Doc, First Time Docs, Flagrant Disrespect for The Law, Flesh Suit, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, Friend Group 1879!!, Friend Group 2008!!, Full Bodied Tatoo, Galapagos Sexpot, Giving Time, Gnostic Shopping Spree, GOD, Great and honorable change shape wet, Gylfaginning Delight, Habeus Arthropodum, Habeus Arthropodus, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Henna Time!, Hoary Rackuun, Holiday Miracles, Horse Riding Lions, Huge Women, Human Interest Story, Human Kindness, Humane Blowhole, I just found out I only have 2 hands, I Litter to Make Crazy Horse Cry, illegitimate Dream Children, Indonesian composting, Infinity, Infinity + 1, It's Getting Hot In Here, Ω, Japanese Breakfast, Jet Machista Del Filete, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Kris Kringle Assault, Krream Cheese, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Macho Steak Jet News Service, Merkin Surprise, Merlin VS. Caring, Mountain Vista, MSJ Fundraiser and Tutoring Romp, MSJ Internationale, Murder of Crons, Nature's Midwife, New Born Induced Orgasms, Nostradamus Kidnapping Spree, Oiled Leather Overalls, Oriental?, Original Hymen Destruction, Pelvic Issues, poop log, Post History Situation Comedy, Precoital Inaugural Truths, Preinaugural Postcoital Truths, Presidential BBQ tips, Rawhide Dawn, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Ropey & No No, Runt Vacuity, Same Channel, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Sasquatch Surrogate, Scary Basement Grampa, Science, Science Now!, Sentient Neck Brace, Shantastico!, Sherlock Tube, Shower Genius, Slutty nun midget whippings, Smart Philanthrophy Choices, So Take Out All Your Files, Sobriety S.O.S.C.U.B.A., Sun Tan Gossip, SURD, Symptoms, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Big Shouldered Why, The Entente Of Ted Kennedy's Feelings, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, The Fresno Fishwich, time travel, Titz, Trucker Handles That Kill You, Uncategorized, Underworld Freedoms!, Underworld Proteksions, Unflappable Grace, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness PART III, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Unmerciful Phone Call, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Vestigial Wig, Virulent Christmas Loins, Welcome, Why Essents?, Wormhole Atlas, X-mas Farge, Yanni Bake, 帝國主義 on March 5, 2009 by machosteakjet

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सुंदर पुनर्जन्म.

Posted in Absolute Concept, सुंदर पुनर्जन्म., Crystal City, El Circulo de la Fortuna, First Time Doc, First Time Docs, GOD, Huge Women, I just found out I only have 2 hands, illegitimate Dream Children, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Mountain Vista, Nature's Midwife, Oriental?, Remembering, Science Now!, The Fresno Fishwich, Welcome, Why Essents?, Yanni Bake with tags , , on January 2, 2009 by machosteakjet

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A Very Special Holiday Episode of MACHO Steak Jet (MagiKS) Terra-Clown @ Barbie DreamouZZZZZZZ® 

Posted in 87 mile beard, A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, , Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Black time travel, Christmas Time!, Color Theory for Big People, Crystal City, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, El Circulo de la Fortuna, Flesh Suit, GOD, Gylfaginning Delight, Holiday Miracles, Human Interest Story, I just found out I only have 2 hands, illegitimate Dream Children, Infinity, Infinity + 1, Komparative History™, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Nature's Midwife, poop log, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Same Channel, Symptoms, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Vestigial Wig, Why Essents? on December 24, 2008 by machosteakjet

Let the Englishmen have their Father Christmas. Save Schmutzli for the Germans. It is my pleasure, honor and — as an forester/gastroenterologist/wizard — my professional obligation to introduce you gentlemen and gentlewomen at MACHO Steak Jet (MagiKS) Terra-Clown @ Barbie DreamouZZZZZZZ® to the heroic Catalan tradition of the Caga Tio (trans: Poop Log).

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Caga Tio is a log that Catalan families keep in their houses during the yuletide. A word of explanation from the infallible Wikipedia™:

Beginning with the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (December 8), one gives the tió a little bit to “eat” every night and usually covers him with a little blanket so that he will not be cold at night.

On Christmas day or, depending on the particular household, on Christmas Eve, one puts the tió partly into the fireplace and orders it to “poop” (the fire part of this tradition is no longer as widespread as it once was, since many modern homes do not have a fireplace). To make him “poop”, one beats him with sticks, while singing various songs of Tió de Nadal.

That’s right. You force-feed him for three weeks and then, literally, beat the shit out of him, taunting him with this song:

poop log,
poop turrón,
hazelnuts and cottage cheese,
if you don’t poop well,
I’ll hit you with a stick,
poop log!

after which the poop log placidly defecates nuts, dried fruit and presents out his wooden anus (in this way, not unlike Just1n).

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When nothing is left to “poop”, it drops a salt herring, a head of garlic, an onion or “urinates”. What comes out of the tió is a communal rather than individual gift, shared by everyone present.

Personally, I applaud the Catalans. For a long time, I’ve maintained the family that makes the poop log together will stay together. Someday, I hope to make the poop log with my kids, make one big poop log for the whole family. And I’m already excited to show-off our poop log to our friends and neighbors.

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By the way, this is not the weirdest European Christmas tradition. Just wait until next year when we blow the lid of Zwarte Piet.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO!!!

Questions About Our Economy: Answered

Posted in Atheist Silverback, , BARNEY FIFE PORTAL, Bánh khúc cây Giáng sinh, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Canary of the Sea, Crystal City, Economic Gibbon Flip, El Circulo de la Fortuna, Flesh Suit, GOD, Gylfaginning Delight, Haegar und Hygiene, Hand Held Microphone, Hoary Rackuun, I just found out I only have 2 hands, illegitimate Dream Children, Indonesian composting, Kwan Yin, Lawn and Garden, Mountain Vista, New Born Induced Orgasms, Oiled Leather Overalls, REAL ISSUES, Science Now!, Sherlock Tube, SURD, Symptoms, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Vestigial Wig, Why Essents?, Wormhole Atlas, Yanni Bake, 帝國主義 on December 22, 2008 by machosteakjet

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Is it just me or does everyone keep complaining about how bad the economy is? I really don’t get it; I always find that I have enough money. I eat at Red Lobster almost every night and usually have the breaded shrimp dinner with an extra hushpuppie. On Fridays I splurge and go for the scampi. See? I also own many of the most popular CDs and DVDs. Doesn’t sound like there’s much of a problem here. In fact just yesterday I went to Gifford’s Pawn and purchased fourteen broken fax machines. I attached them to the bumper of my ’96 Honda Accord with those super thin bungee cords and drove almost two miles before all of my tires blew out. You know what I did then? I laughed and said a prayer. Sang it actually. I sometimes also buy gold doubloons and carry them around in my breast pocket because I like the way they feel. Before I fall asleep, I say prayers and the prayers keep going around and around in my mind until I fall asleep. Last night I was visited by a large coyote covered in golden chain mail. Instead of eyes he had smooth pearlescent discs that looked like they were made of fingernails. His tail looked like a small evergreen tree. He wandered around my room silently and then stole some of my favorite DVDs. I pretended to be asleep the whole time. If he comes back I’m going to try and get my DVDs back but if not that’s ok too since I’m really not that worried about money.