Archive for the Zero Froufrou Category

Message received! Bob Dole phones in from his secret base

Posted in 3rd League Kawanis Club, Absolute Concept, Betwix thine sheets hath done mine office, Breaking News, Dino-whore, Hamburger Sexy Mandolin Player Man, Hand Held Microphone, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, Human Interest Story, Merlin VS. Caring, MSJ & THE ENVIRONMENT, NO MORE 世界是漂亮PUPATING到另一個世界 AROUND, Primate Freedom, Science Now!, Sun Tan Gossip, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, Unflappable Grace, Zero Froufrou with tags , , , , , , on November 5, 2010 by machosteakjet

I’m just a regular American guy. I’ve got a truck, smoke a little too much, maybe missing a few toes. Nothing too unusual. At my 9-to-5 I’ve gotten by for years on my old Two Wolf Moon T-Shirt. “Bring the loader over to bay 4” they’d say, and I’d get over there and get it done, my two wolves classy enough for work but also letting the passing ladies know I’m a raging torrent of untamed American spirit yearning to breath free, preferably naked. I’m no Don Juan, but I did ok — mostly with Janice from Accounting, until she got diptheria.

Most of my income went to the good life, brewed high in the Rockies if you know what I mean. But one day I decided to take some hard earned dough and upgrade. Bigtime. When I got my Three Wolf Moon t-shirt, I knew my life had changed, but I didn’t know how much.

When I put it on, the effect was immediate. 33% more wolf was almost too much to handle. It was like wearing 1500 ccs of chaps on a 1800 cc motorcycle. The vibrations alone were almost enough to throw me off my stride. And the fact that the third wolf faces backwards while howling, demonstrating individuality at the same time as unity of purpose and nobility of spirit, was a metaphor so powerful Roy, the guy who steals my mail, practically took his own foot off with his weed whacker the moment he saw me.

Jesus.

After suturing him up with some spare baling twine, I trotted down to the hardware store to stock up. Bad idea. The rippling of my well endowed man curves apparently set the wolves to almost a hypnotic shimmering, trapped and yet freed under the opalescent moon they eternally worship and yet deny. Some guy took one look at me and backed right into a concrete planter. I almost stopped to see if he was ok, but then I remembered that wolves don’t stop for anybody, particularly when howling.

These days, I’m making $1.15 more an hour, and I keep getting free cable. With the savings, I’m thinking …maybe…just maybe, it’ll be Four Wolf Time soon. But for those of you who have put in your time and training on the One and Two wolf shirts, I highly recommend investing in an upgrade. You’ll never truly soar free without one.

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AMAZING!

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, Advancements in Plumbing, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Black time travel, Branding Message Ending, Crusteasian Amphibious Evolvement, Damp With Sleet, Dirty Serpent Rope, First Time Docs, French Piss, Full Bodied Tatoo, Henna Time!, Hera; the economy; and YOU, Hoary Rackuun, Ingenuity and Progress, αεριωθούμενο αεροπλάνο μπριζόλας φαλλοκρατών, Lawn and Garden, Mayan Codex Photo Album, MSJ & THE ENVIRONMENT, Nature's Midwife, New Yert, Orginal Science Pleasings, poop log, Post History Situation Comedy, Scary Basement Grampa, Shantastico!, Symptoms, THE ANTHROPOLOGISTS, the Authority on the Mayan Codexes, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Vampiric Pizza Hut, Zero Froufrou with tags , , , on December 8, 2009 by machosteakjet

Posted in 1 to go, 2 borks down, 25331936, 25333386, 28 Foot Dude, and YOU, ☼♫♫♫♫♫☼, Betwix thine sheets hath done mine office, Big Butt's Flutaphone, BIONAUTICS NOW!, Candlecobra, Catain Ron 2, Flagrant Disrespect for The Law, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, French Piss, Friend Group 1879!!, Full Bodied Tatoo, Henna Time!, Hera; the economy; and YOU, Holiday Miracles, Human Interest Story, Humane Blowhole, IMMINENT DOOM, Infinity, Infinity + 1, Ingenuity and Progress, John Major Jenkins, John Tesh, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Lemony Fredge, Meet me at the Sex Couch!, MORTAL KROMBAG, MSJ Personals, Murder Capitol of the worle, Murder of Crons, NATIVE AMERICAN RIVER CAT SHOW, NO MORE FUCKING AROUND, NO MORE 世界是漂亮PUPATING到另一個世界 AROUND, NOOO!!!!!, Oh Mexico!, Ooooo skimpy!, Pelvic Issues, penis shaped island, Plugs, Post History Situation Comedy, Relativist family reunion, Ropey & No No, Runt Vacuity, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Scary Basement Grampa, Science, Science Now!, Scrotal Hat, Shantastico!, Sherlock Tube, Shower Genius, Solar Knowledge Science Time!, Steam Goblin, Succulent Cutlet Shroud, Sun Tan Gossip, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, The Fresno Fishwich, The Safe Word: Snug Fit, Unmerciful Phone Call, Vampiric Pizza Hut, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, X-mas Farge, Yanni Bake, Zero Froufrou on September 16, 2009 by machosteakjet

Raiden311

Carnivorous Penguin Homeric Epic Undead Biopic

Posted in 13th Floored, 28 Foot Dude, A Big Letter to Your Mother, A Wizard's Nose, Absolute Concept, Absolute Zero Froufrou, Advancements in Plumbing, and YOU, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, , ☼♫♫♫♫♫☼, Bald Faced Mascot, Cannibalistic Mother, Cloaca, Filthy Water People, Flesh Suit, Habeus Arthropodum, Habeus Arthropodus, Infinity, Infinity + 1, Interdimensional Tiki Bar, Japanese Breakfast, Kris Kringle Assault, Krream Cheese, Meat Hero, NO MORE FUCKING AROUND, NO MORE 世界是漂亮PUPATING到另一個世界 AROUND, Organic Centaur, Rawhide Dawn, Science Now!, Succulent Cutlet Shroud, Wolverine Vs. A Baby, Wormhole Atlas, Zero Froufrou with tags , , , , , on July 2, 2009 by machosteakjet

Machosteakjet4Draft

한국어 당신의 어머니는 나의 개를 먹고 있다

Posted in 'n tasty, 13th Floored, 28 Foot Dude, 87 mile beard, A Big Letter to Your Mother, A Wizard's Nose, Absolute Concept, Absolute Zero Froufrou, Albino Hair System, and Sanjay Samuel, and Sanjay., and YOU, ANDY GRIFFITH DIMENSION, Arvak and Alsvid, Atheist Silverback, ☼♫♫♫♫♫☼, सुंदर पुनर्जन्म., Bald Faced Mascot, BARNEY FIFE PORTAL, Bearenstein Zygothrica dispar palatial Bears, Big Butt's Flutaphone, BIONAUTICS NOW!, Birthday Apocalypse, Cannibalistic Mother, Chupa-cobra!, Cloaca, Code Of Ethics, Color Theory for Big People, Corpulent Harpy, Crouching Bosom, Crystal City, Damp With Sleet, Dino-whore, Don't touch it!!, Dream Cycle Magnetic Resonance Theory, Economic Gibbon Flip, Ed, Education, El Agujero Dos, Epicurean Torture Chamber, Erudite Libertines, Flagrant Disrespect for The Law, Flesh Suit, Foam Lying, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, Frankfort Horizontal Position, Friend Group 1879!!, Friend Group 2008!!, Full Bodied Tatoo, Galapagos Sexpot, Giving Time, Gnostic Shopping Spree, Hand Held Microphone, Henna Time!, Hera; the economy; and YOU, Herme, Hoary Rackuun, Holiday Miracles, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, Huge Women, Human Interest Story, Human Kindness, I just found out I only have 2 hands, illegitimate Dream Children, Indonesian composting, Ω, αεριωθούμενο αεροπλάνο μπριζόλας φαλλοκρατών, Japanese Breakfast, Jet Machista Del Filete, Komparative History™, Korean Peace Children, Kwan Yin, Macho Steak Jet News Service, Machostekjet Fuuds, Magical Pretty Facepainting Custom Event Services, Merkin Surprise, Merlin VS. Caring, Mountain Vista, MSJ & THE ENVIRONMENT, MSJ Fundraiser and Tutoring Romp, MSJ Internationale, MSJ Personals, Nature's Midwife, New Yert, NO MORE 世界是漂亮PUPATING到另一個世界 AROUND, NOOO!!!!!, Nostradamus Kidnapping Spree, Organic Centaur, Orginal Science Pleasings, Our Bodies Our Shelves, Precoital Inaugural Truths, Preinaugural Postcoital Truths, Primate Freedom, REAL ISSUES, Remembering, Ropey & No No, Sandwich Mountain Retreat, Sasquatch Surrogate, Science Now!, Scrotal Hat, Sobriety S.O.S.C.U.B.A., Steam Goblin, Succulent Cutlet Shroud, Swash Chuckling Wedding, Symptoms, Tennessee Meat Goat, The Entente Of Ted Kennedy's Feelings, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, time travel, Treat Witch Tracing, Trucker Handles That Kill You, Uncategorized, Underworld Freedoms!, Universal Consciousness, Universal Consciousness PART III, Universal Consciousness pt 2, Velvet Gloved Frindship Approval, Vestigial Wig, Virulent Christmas Loins, Wolverine Vs. A Baby, Wormhole Atlas, YESSSSS!!!!!, Zero Froufrou, 帝國主義 with tags , , , , , on April 30, 2009 by machosteakjet
Machosteakjet

Machosteakjet

Oh By Jingo!

Posted in Absolute Zero Froufrou, Bearenstein Zygothrica dispar palatial Bears, NO MORE FUCKING AROUND, Rawhide Dawn, Sobriety S.O.S.C.U.B.A., Steam Goblin, Virulent Christmas Loins, Zero Froufrou on April 8, 2009 by Who's your man? OH YEAH! Limp Handshake is the man!

1902-longmaned-horse2
In the land of San Domingo
Lived a girl called Oh By Jingo
(Ta da, ya da da da da da, um-pa, umpa um-pa um-pa)
From the fields and from the marshes
Came the young and oh by goshes
(Ta da, ya da da da da da, um-pa, umpa um-pa um-pa)
They all spoke with a different lingo
But they all loved Oh By Jingo
and every night, they sang in the pale moonlight

Oh by gee by gosh by gum by jove
Oh By Jingo won’t you hear our love
We will build for you a hut
You will be our favourite nut
We will have a lot of little Oh By Gollies
And we’ll put them in the follies
By Jingo said “By gosh by gee
By Jiminy, please don’t bother me”
So they all went away singing
Oh by gee by gosh by gum by jove By Jingo
By gee, you’re the only girl for me.

I am Released: La Befana, Basta, Basta

Posted in A Big Letter to Your Mother, Absolute Concept, Big Butt's Flutaphone, Branding Message Ending, Chocolate Teeth, Crouching Bosom, Don't touch it!!, Earth-spray, Face Fuck Smash Core, Frank Stallone: PISSED!, GOD, Great and honorable change shape wet, Haegar und Hygiene, Homeful Car Singings, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, Humane Blowhole, Ingenuity and Progress, It's Getting Hot In Here, Merlin VS. Caring, Murder of Crons, Organic Centaur, Plugs, Presidential BBQ tips, Runt Vacuity, The Entente of Ted Kennedy's Feelings™, Zero Froufrou on April 1, 2009 by machosteakjet

As the Italian legend has it, the three Wise Men were in search of the Christ Child when they decided to stop at a small house to ask for directions. Upon knocking, an old woman holding a broom opened the door slightly to see who was there. Standing at her doorstep were three colorfully dressed men who were in need of directions to find the Christ Child. The old woman was unaware of who these three men were looking for and could not point them in the right direction. They kindly asked the old woman to join them on their journey. She declined because she had much housework to do. ‘Ho molto scopare da fare’, said she.
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(Above) La scopa

After the three men left she felt as though she had made a mistake. How was she to know that this simple misunderstanding would eventually damn her soul to eternal wandering? Thinking of the opportunity she had missed, the old woman stopped every child to give them a small treat in hopes that one was the Christ child. The first child the old woman fed a treat to died of a peanut allergy, and so thusly, was cursed for eternity by God.

Each year on the eve of the Epiphany she sets out with her bag of peanut candy searching each child’s house for Christ. La Befana has haunted children for over 2,000 years and it was thought that for countless years more she would continue to haunt until The Lion at World’s End finally released her. Recent skeletal remains tell a different tale. Le Befana is dead; there is no question. But was this an unlawful mercy killing, or does our recent discovery unearth a much darker truth? Oh Lion, Oh Slippery Pale of Sleeping Basilisks, shall we now prepare our final nine steps and follow you down in our own Hel-Shoes?

Although our question may not be answered until it is too late, let us use our time wisely and search for some truths. Firstly, how did we know the skull and broom we unearthed was that of La Befana? When skeletal remains are found, and the victim remains unidentified after traditional means of identification fail, MSJ investigators may call upon the forensic artist to utilize the three-dimensional facial reconstruction technique.
oldman
Investigators may call upon the forensic artist

The three-dimensional process is initiated by placing the skull on a workable stand, where it can easily be tilted and turned in all directions. The skull must be positioned in The Frankfort Horizontal Position for optimal viewing:
frankfort-horizontal-position

Tissue markers and clay will be systematically applied directly on the skull following its contours. Measurements are then made, and logged, to determine nose thickness/length, mouth thickness/width, and eye placement. Information such as geographic location of where the deceased lived/ died, his or her lifestyle, and the various information provided to the artist by the Forensic Anthropologist and other professionals, is heavily relied upon when completing the reconstruction.

In terms of life style we can safely put her in the ever growing category of ‘Eternal Wanderer’. As for geographic location we can not accurately say since the entire Earth was her prison. Luckily though we know where she died because her remains show us that the nameless marshland outside the city limits of Ferrara is in fact where she inhaled copious amounts of bog mud. Samples taken that had coalesced inside her skull’s nose cavity places her approximate death in and around the year of 2007.

frontskullclem1hag
Before and after: Christmas Witch of Italy: La Befana

Both our forensic anthropologist and artists were astounded by what they had discovered. We may never know who killed La Befana and this may be the end of our world. While these discoveries are very important, The College of MachoSteakJet™ is most intrigued by the notion that the blight of eternal suffering can be broken by an even more heinous crime of murder. God cast his angered eye down and smote La Befana with his holy justice. This we know. But if murder is in the domain of Old Nick, does this mean his will is ultimately stronger than our Golden Savior of Holy Might and Righteousness? One day we hope our science will be muscular enough to identify, but in the meantime, we can only pray.
Rest in Peace Treat Witch.

We most likely will meet your spirit very, very soon.