It’s the holiday season™! Carl and Dave wrote these new holiday carols! You know the tune!

The 12 Days of X-Man
on the 12th day of x-man, my true name came to light, BALNOR THE TERRIBLE, 11 songs are laughing, 10 guns are guitaring, 9 chunks are swaying, 8 turkish knife throwers are baying, 7 trons are lowing, 6 guys from Toronto 5 (!) horsham clinics! 4 tractor racers, 3 head butting halflings, 2 crumble tops and a succulent titty bar that serves sweaty hotdogs in a trundle

The 12 Days of Monster Truck
On the 12th day of monster truck, my true soup caught on fire, BAGRAHM THE HOLY MUSTACHE, 11 meercats mopping, 10 clowns headbutting, 9 drivetrains learning, 8 กธฐไ ๘ใสฏช, 7 HEY WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE BLANKETS!?, 6 urgent pelicans, 5 I’ll never meet your mother , 4 propane 100% mastercraft, 3 THE WORLD ON FIRE 2 THE WORLD IS ON FIRE, and a zoot-suit in a muffin bakery!

The 12 Ralph of Hoonan
on the 12th ralph of hoonan, the picture spoke to me, 45 colt mint, 11 zingy tasting crab cakes, 10 cat of nine tails, 9 shame faced wizards, 8 hogs are lying, 7 zambonies are crying, 6 pork chop dance moves are lazing, 5 (!) horse raddish pants! 4 calls of pleasure, 3 habberdash flim flammery, 2 nickle bus stop, and a bag of greese floating bits of glueeeeee!

The 12 Manic Dropkicks
On the 12th manic dropkick my hairpiece told a lie BAGHDAD THE DEEPFRIED ROCK N’ ROLL! 11 backstop midgets, 10 angry handjobs, 9 –NO! NO!–, 8 …, 7 tonight a bear performs on the boards, that is all I know about literature 6 MUSTACHE WHIRLWIND KARATE 5 more angry handjobs 4 more angry handjobs 19 total angry handjobs 18 deep sea basecamps 17 mutinous pirates 16 SHHHH! 15 harmless hamsters 14 CAUTION: ROCKETS/BABOONS 13 DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HURT ME? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO MAKE ME CRYYYY and a handjob.

The 12 Days of Langbert’s Landing
on the 12th day of langbert’s landing, my camping gear disapeared, MANMOG THE THE ROPE GOD, 11 hushed priests are lumping, 10 haggard tree swingers are foozing, 47 (!) GOMM BOK YAH! solo chases roasting, 4 candle sex, 3 mushroom explosions, 2 flavored slaves and a open wound that’s filled with shiiiiiiit!

The 12 Days of Haunukka
on the 12th day of Haunukka the fictional Holiday MASTER BUMPUS HUMPING 11 musk ox hollerin’ 10 cowboy abortions 31 iron-clad wetnurses, I forgot my pants in there, 8 norsemen feasting, I never kissed a black girl, 6 — milk, 5 there is no santa-man, 4 I miss my mother, 3 black water in the river 2 BUMPUS is a cruel and spiteful deity, AND A MAN-WOMAN HYPRID BEAR/DOG/COW/SHEEP!

on the 12th moon of GORAN OVER RUN WITH MORBID SHAPES, 11 encrusted elf shanks, 10 fuck it what the’s, 10 more morbid shapes, 9 (!) stupid shadows, 8 wiggly fingers, 7 farting creeps, 6 balding comets, 5 (!) HAMBURGER HAMBURGER HAMBURGER HAMBURGER HAMBURGER * 4 terrible ideas, 3 *leave this space blank for pussy 2 shut up and sit down god damn it! and a mothership that’s lives inside a tuuuuuube!

The 12 Entrails Puddle Slop
On the 12 entrails puddle slop my goodman broke a whore’s neck 11 gristle mind control 10 eternal toothaches 9 I LOVE A PARAAAAADE 8 7 6 5 OOOOOOH SHIT! SHE’S GONNA BLOW …4… HOLD ME …3… LETS NOT DIE ALONE …2… I ALWAYS LOVED YOU …. 1 …. …. oh… well, umm… that’s awkward. AND A JAPANESE PANTYSNIFFER IN A PEAT BOG!

The 12 Dates With Canada
On my 12th Date with Canada I ordered Minestrone NEVER GIVE A FAT MAN THE UPHILL ADVANTAGE! 11 leather-fetish puffins 10 euphemistic doctors 9 banker corpses 8 excellently 7 potstickers 6 and 5 within 4 mastectomy 3 schadenfreud 2 NOW! weather-resistant ⅔ WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS!? YOUR GIRLFRIEND ½ Dragomir Kassabov, comptroller ⅜ windfucker AND MANTAN MORELAND IN A SOAPBOX RACER!



  1. […] Announcing Dave & Carl’s Holiday Carols Announcing a NEW PAGE: Dave And Carl’s Holiday Carols!!! […]

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