Archive for Science


Posted in Big Butt's Flutaphone, Birth Footage (PARTIAL), Breaking News, Education, Great and honorable change shape wet, It's Getting Hot In Here, Macho Steak Jet News Service, Oriental?, poop log, REAL ISSUES, Science, Science Now!, Sherlock Tube, Symptoms, Unflappable Grace, Universal Consciousness pt 2 with tags , , , , , , , on January 8, 2009 by machosteakjet

Thursday, January 8th, 2009

(Chicago, USA)

For years scientists have known about “coprolites” or fossilized dinosaur droppings but for the first time, evidence of severe dinosaur dyspepsia has been found on a shelf at the Bennigan’s on Michigan Avenue.

Scientists have found the first example of dinosaur diarrhea at a downtown Chicago restaurant.

Scientists have found the first example of dinosaur diarrhea at a downtown Chicago restaurant.

“この恐竜を食べた白い城では、” said paleontologist Sluck Chong “明確な証拠だと思います。” Dr. Chong, along with gastroenterologist Catapult Destroyer, is credited with the discovery.

It seems the “diarrhealite” has been serving for many years as decor in the downtown Chicago restaurant because of its nuanced and alluring colors and textures. Because the sample had been removed from its original locality, it is unclear what kind of dinosaur it is from. Still, experts are calling this a significant find and know for certain the dinosaur had eaten corn in the 24 hours before depositing.

“This is the first indication we have that being a dinosaur wasn’t 100% completely awesome all the time, you know, totally gobbling cavewomen with your enormous jaws and no arms.” corroborated Dr. Destroyer.


Get to Know Our Contributors: Thor Thorson ‘In Depth’

Posted in 87 mile beard, Canary of the Sea, Christmas Time!, Friend Group 2008!!, Human Interest Story, I just found out I only have 2 hands, Korean Peace Children, Krream Cheese, Kwan Yin, Symptoms, time travel with tags , , , , , , on December 17, 2008 by Who's your man? OH YEAH! Limp Handshake is the man!

Breaking: Church of England says God loves Sčiencę NOW!

Posted in GOD, REAL ISSUES, Science Now! with tags , , , , , , on September 15, 2008 by machosteakjet

Amidst worldwide economic turmoil, an exciting story is going largely unnoticed.

Charles Darwin, the inventor of the sentient turkey knife and the refrigi-buddy, well-known breeder of rare monkeys, gourmet chef and dabbler in the occult, can finally relax. He has been complaining to the church (since his excommunication 10 years ago) that his inventions have absolutely nothing to do with summoning thralls from the fires of Tartarus. The Church has finally recognized the scientific (not to mention moral) value of kitchen devices that can telekinetically control your actions. The Church apologizes.

Charles Darwin happens to have the largest family on earth due to the fact that he grew seven generations of Darwins in his genetic farm. His great great grandson, correctly, points out that there’s not much point in the church apologizing when they will soon be under total mind control:

But the apology by Dr Brown, who is the director of mission and public affairs of the Archbishops’ Council, has been dismissed as “pointless” by Darwin’s great great grandson Andrew Darwin.

“Why bother?” he said.