Dave And Carl’s Stories Of My Father

Chapter 1
my father was a cycle, a bicycle, he came and he went, in my mouth.
he laughed and he cried, in my mouth
he pooped and he shouted, in my mouth
he jammed an oily finger, in my mouth
he went camping once, in my mouth
as a child, he worked in a bank, in my mouth
he drove the most beautiful cadillac, in my mouth
he was a lover of books and he kept the most extrordinary library, in my mouth

Chapter 2
he was a conflicted man, of great sorrows and great strength. once he killed a horse with his hands
in my mouth

Chapter 3
he would toil endlessly, always working on that machine. Time travel? Proposterous! One time he did leave the lab, hailed a cab and went to the local bar where he was blow-j’ed by the serving girl
in my mouth

Chapter 4
he was a man of the world. Baccarat in Maccau? He played the martingale! Many were the nights he collapsed on the hotel room floor of a viscountess or the daughter of the ambassador, where he’d totally give her a Cincinnatti Clambake™
in my mouth

Chapter 5
he was a man who took chances. she liked him that way. He-man or canned ham? He used to rewrite fiction! The earth circled the sun countless times while he spent his life showering for the local barberess, especially when she offered up a hot nasty White Dragon™
In my mouth

Chapter 6
he was a man of abiding faith and the whole town knew his singing voice. Ave Maria? He’d studied the Italian mode. The river rose, the harvest came, then the rain turned to snow. More than once he’d pass those long winter nights in the cabin on the mountain where the she-lumberjack would cook for him and he would give them the Ontario Corkscrew™
in my mouth

Chapter 7
he: the type of man that makes you want to jack him up and punch him in the face. Always cutting in line.
Kick him in the dick, or tweak his nipple? Kick him in the dick! The first plane was made of wood, he saw it’s first flight the same day he discovered au jous, and by the time the governement were making jets out of metal, he had amassed an army of extreme magnitude. Several times a day he’d be spotted finger fucking the local mermaid while she forcefully butt rammed him with her Angry Unicorn™
in my mouth

Chapter 8
he was a gentleman, a philosopher and a physicist, of the old tradition, and a centaur to boot. book learning? ha! he wrote the crystal manifesto! when the comet returned my horsefather was gone but in those intervening years, the golden years, the heavy metal years, the strontium years, he galloped his way into the hearts and the imaginations of children all over the world. then he raped them.
in my mouth

Chapter 9
he was a stranger, even to his own mother. Pork pies were his favorite dish? Know one knew! the sun went red and the moon took off by the time anyone realized that he was fucking the local wet nurse while she gave herself a Real Stranger
in my mouth

Chapter 10
you could call him a sailor, even though he’d never seen the ocean. could he love again? he never touched my mother. and me? they found me on their doorstep in a pot of sugary spaghetti. instead, while the saplings in the park grew into stately oaks he lurked in the underbrush trying to meet other “sailors” with whom he would Sail The Seven (Anal) Seas
in my mouth