Machosteakjet Department of Disaster Prediction and Prevention brings you this ***IMPORTANT MESSAGE***

The Mayan Galactic Enlightened Ones will ride the Serpent Rope to prune the humans and the Vicuña.  Again.

2012

한국어 당신의 어머니는 나의 개를 먹고 있다

Machosteakjet

Macho Steak Jet and the Environment

Macho Steak Jet is committed to environmental leadership in all of its activities, from its technical operations to its award winning FIRST TIME DOCS. MSJ’s corporate policy on environmental affairs is supported by its global environmental sustainability management system business network governance strategy coalition, which is the key to science. The results have been significant:

• Redefine global warming as: Earth Is Totally Hot™!
• 30% increase in griffins over the last 2,500 years
• Get out of your car and into a horse corpse
• Psychomental phase/space “greening” thought broadcast (Universe)
• Reusable hands
• Environmentally Correct Underground Hovercraft
• Prudence
• Trendy euthanasia for the preteen set
• Removable deserts
• Polar Bears v. Tigers
• “Clean Coal”, “Clean Dirt”, “Clean Diarrhea”, “Clean Uncleanliness”, “Space”, “Time”, “True Love”, “Hatchbacks”
• Instant water
• Science
• Terra-forming India
• “Green” Beards (Projected 2014)

Stewardship

Here’s to a green future, Macho Steak Jet!

NELSON MANDELA V. BOB BARKER

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The annals: receiving a very heavy drilling (MSJ HISTORY DOC SERIES PART.xii)

During the long, hot summer of 1879, there gathered at “El Agujero Dos” a collection of hobos, transients, vagrants, wastrels, tramps, gadabouts, bindle stiffs, beggars, mumpers, supplicants, bagmen, bums, cadgers, touters, straphangers, swagmen, beachcombers, boolies, stragglers, scatterlings, and a 1/2 Jew, who would become “Jet Machista Del Filete.” There are too many to cover here, but a couple shining stars

From left to right: J3r3mY (in the hat, gambling), C4®L (in the hat, sipping), ADD’AM (in the hat, exhaling mightily), Just-in (in the hat, thinking of a perfect future, one with Mario Cart and female condoms), Hoonan (in the hat and scarf, fantasizing about Just-in).

Drilling the annals! (MSJ HISTORY DOC.partxi)

Macho Steak Jet, or “Jet Machista Del Filete”, was established in 1879 as de facto state in the back of a bar and pool hall called “El Agujero Dos”. Although never officially recognized as an independent and self-governing entity, they none the less looked breathtaking in their mustaches.

Watch this space for more fascinating stories from JET MACHISTA DEL FILETE!!!!

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR THE CHILDREN

सुंदर पुनर्जन्म.

SPECIAL IISSAACC BIRTHDAY POST: concerto for noseflute and celestial chimes

I composed this over break. It takes 17.5 hours to play and drives all listeners mad with furious and compelling visions.
Happy Birthday!

Questions About Our Economy: Answered

Is it just me or does everyone keep complaining about how bad the economy is? I really don’t get it; I always find that I have enough money. I eat at Red Lobster almost every night and usually have the breaded shrimp dinner with an extra hushpuppie. On Fridays I splurge and go for the scampi. See? I also own many of the most popular CDs and DVDs. Doesn’t sound like there’s much of a problem here. In fact just yesterday I went to Gifford’s Pawn and purchased fourteen broken fax machines. I attached them to the bumper of my ’96 Honda Accord with those super thin bungee cords and drove almost two miles before all of my tires blew out. You know what I did then? I laughed and said a prayer. Sang it actually. I sometimes also buy gold doubloons and carry them around in my breast pocket because I like the way they feel. Before I fall asleep, I say prayers and the prayers keep going around and around in my mind until I fall asleep. Last night I was visited by a large coyote covered in golden chain mail. Instead of eyes he had smooth pearlescent discs that looked like they were made of fingernails. His tail looked like a small evergreen tree. He wandered around my room silently and then stole some of my favorite DVDs. I pretended to be asleep the whole time. If he comes back I’m going to try and get my DVDs back but if not that’s ok too since I’m really not that worried about money.

First Time Doc µ^‰^^∏_-_¬0∫0∞02.02≈Latitudinal[r≤≥r]=∫Ωxπ∂;{∞∞∞}

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If Adam and Isak had been Japanese…

http://japanesenostalgiccar.com/blog/2008/12/04/japanese-road-trip-in-transforming-toyota-truck/

After graduating high school, three Japanese buddies decided to follow their dream of a year-long cross-country road trip, from the northeastern island of Hokkaido to the southwestern one of Yakushima. But before they set out, the trio built one of the coolest road trip cars ever conceived, from a decrepit mid-80s Toyota Toyoace.

This is what the top floor looks like. Seriously, it’s nicer than some of the places I’ve lived.

You can see more of Japan’s beautiful natural scenery from the trip on this page, or learn more about the truck here. There’s also a movie of the transformation process. Jack Kerouac would be proud. And now, with trip over, the Toyoace is on sale for a mere $5,500, shipping not included.

MachoSteakJet Science Now! Philanthropy Case #78.3JG

‘Yes’, my Tranhumanist friend told me, ‘It does look like a pie plate connected to metal squids. But it is so much more. You see, Magnetoencephalography will measure your brain waves to tell us how you drove your mother mad with visions.’

As the tests wore on, they took the days with them. And my power grew. And so did my disgust. Although my friend allowed me to brush his horse, ‘Clever’, I could see his mind, and knew his insatiable appetite for enormous women would tear us apart.

He always fucked my new giant girlfriends. And that is exactly why I made his god damn head explode.

But now that I call Dubai my new home, I am free to pursue the life I have always wished for.

Thanks to you MachoSteakJet for sponsoring me!

Get To Know Our Contributors: JSommerian Early Childhood Footage Part 5: A Perfect Talent?

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Science Now! World Wrestling Federation discovers horrifying new species in Mekong region

Conservation group WWF says that more than 1,000 species new to science have been recorded in South-East Asia’s Greater Mekong region over the past decade.

The “dragon millipede” (Desmoxytes purpurosea) was first described in 2007 by scientists in Thailand. Researchers suggest the bright colouring acts as a warning to would-be predators, as the millipede has glands that produce cyanide as a defence mechanism.

The Laotian rock rat (Laonastes aenigmamus) was first recorded by scientists at a food market in Laos. Remarkably, researchers say this species is the sole survivor of an ancient group of rodents understood to have died out 11 million years ago.

The large and aggressive Heteropoda dagmarae was found in forests of northern and central Laos. The nocturnal spider skillfully ambushes its prey from shrubs, trees, or bamboo between two and four metres from the ground.

Tree frog Chiromantis samkosensis, found in Cambodia, has a number of unique characteristics that distinguishes it from other Asian Chiromantis species, including green blood and turquoise bones.

from: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/7780514.stm

A Poem

A Poem by Jamie of the band Xiu Xiu

the yellow bellied sap sucker
is a real bird.
i had never seen one
until today.
it was in my yard.
this is very very exciting to me.
it transcends cartoonish
merry melody insult.
it lives.
it destroys your shit talking
you jive fuck.

Science Now! Sciencetainment Fact: Great Successes in Science!

The Science Now! team brings you an exciting new edition of Great Successes in Science! Today’s success: Xenophanes of Colophon.

Xenophanes had this to say in the 5th century B.C.E.:

The Ethiops say that their gods are flat-nosed and black,
While the Thracians say that theirs have blue eyes and red hair.
Yet if cattle or horses or lions had hands and could draw,
And could sculpture like men, then the horses would draw their gods
Like horses, and cattle like cattle; and each they would shape
Bodies of gods in the likeness, each kind, of their own.

If I’m understanding him correctly there are five types of Gods: flat-nosed gods, redheaded gods, lion-gods, horse-gods and cow-gods. An astonishing insight for The Future of Science!

Stay tuned for our next Science Success Story: Jesus!

Man Arrested 71 times!!!

Smith — who calls himself “Otis the town drunk” — said in an earlier interview that he has been arrested for public intoxication so many times that people he sees at taverns occasionally approach him and ask for his autograph. He has spent about half his adult life behind bars.

The 3rd President has been away for a while, but felt this was a topic that demanded Presidential attention on machosteakjet, and it feels good to be back.

As a testament to this mans dedication, keep in mind that his 70th arrest came just 5 months ago in July!

Check out the full article using the intertubes here.

Reckless, Nostalgic, Precambrian: !!EeEhl3*e*r^:((g))!!: a mysterious and beautiful life in 3 parts…

First Time Doc #’s 1098987039-1098988044

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